Smoking Trees

I want to smoke weed. I have been craving it for the past week and a half but I have not given in. I just want to role a fat blunt, sit down outside and smoke that shit. Then I want to put on a pair of sunglasses and walk around all fucked up. The sunglasses are so no one knows I am high of course.
I've been mimicking the action of smoking for quite some time now. I need to do something deviant to balance out the mundane life I am leading right now.
I think that is why I got so drunk the weekend before last. I needed a release and unfortunately getting drunk was the best thing I could come up with.
I must say that the gym is a huge help. I get out a lot of aggression there. It is a great release and I feel fuckin' great when I'm workin' out and my musceles are pushed to the limit. It's similar to having an orgasm. Lately when I masturbate I flex at the point of ejaculation to make my muscles tight. It makes for some powerful orgasms. This is something new that has started since I've developed large muscles. I didn't do it when I was having sex.
I think that if I wasn't living at home with my parents I would have broken down already and smoked. It has been 2 years and 4 months since I last smoked. It has been a struggle every fuckin' day. I have worked hard at it and don't want to throw all that hard work away. I'm an addict to weed and I don't want to go back to that point in my life.
I do wonder how much of my not smoking has to do with the fact that I'm living with my parents. A big part. In a way I guess they have helped me to not smoke eventhough they don't know it. I always thought I never really relied on other people but you know what, I do rely on my parents for this. I realize that now and I don't think that it is such a bad thing. We ALL rely on other people wether we know it or not. There isn't anything wrong with that. My only fear is that I relapse after I move out. I have to work at being stronger in mind so that when I do move out I can be sure that I don't give in to temptation.

I think I can stay strong.